if im ever a teacher and i see 1 fuckin kid bullying someone in my goddamn class im going to SHIT on their desk and make them write a 5 page report on what my shit smells like
"Slytherins can’t be brave," Please allow me to direct your attention to Regulus Black, and his storyline which was so conveniently left out of the movies.
Two words: Narcissa Malfoy.
In case you’re having a bad day, here are some animals being idiots.
what are even animals
NEVER trust an adult who won’t apologize to a child
Wow. I’d never seen it put that way, but. Wow. That is a really good piece of advice.
the assassination of Julius Caesar
i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed
Years and years ago, there was a production of The Tempest, out of doors, at an Oxford college on a lawn, which was the stage, and the lawn went back towards the lake in the grounds of the college, and the play began in natural light. But as it developed, and as it became time for Ariel to say his farewell to the world of The Tempest, the evening had started to close in and there was some artificial lighting coming on. And as Ariel uttered his last speech, he turned and he ran across the grass, and he got to the edge of the lake and he just kept running across the top of the water — the producer having thoughtfully provided a kind of walkway an inch beneath the water. And you could see and you could hear the plish, plash as he ran away from you across the top of the lake, until the gloom enveloped him and he disappeared from your view.
And as he did so, from the further shore, a firework rocket was ignited, and it went whoosh into the air, and high up there it burst into lots of sparks, and all the sparks went out, and he had gone.
When you look up the stage directions, it says, ‘Exit Ariel.’
|—||Tom Stoppard, University of Pennsylvania, 1996 (via flameintobeing)|
How it feels to ejaculate : an allegory
son I think you need a doctor
I CANT STOP LAUGHING
this will always be my favorite
once when i was little, i claimed it was a teacher’s work day so i wouldn’t have to go to school and mom’s not an idiot so of course it didn’t work, but when we got to the school, we found it was a teacher’s work day and that made me think i had super powers so i started trying to kill classmates with my mind to confirm the theory
You thought you had super powers so you immediately attempted to murder everyone
go big or go home
when i find myself in times of trouble
ellen degeneres comes to me